Not the "usual" relationship issue

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Not the "usual" relationship issue

blacktears

Everyone has problems... and i am NOT writing this for pity, i don't want it! I don't want you to feel bad for me...I just wanna be able to open up, because i never do, i don't trust anyone enough to. But I don't know you, and you don't know me..so its a bit easier. Not to long ago I was in a abusive relationship. It was all good at first. But then the yelling started, the yelling lead to pushing...and pushing let to beating. It slowly got worse. I wasn't allowed to do anything without asking his permission. I couldn't eat without him telling me i was gonna get fat..so he would lock me in a bathroom till i made myself puke...then he would make me work out till i passed out.. he locked me in his basement tied to a chair once. He did lots of things so i wont go into it all. My point is it was bad.. really bad. He did things to me i wouldn't wish I'm my worst enemy. I was with him for over a year.. he abused me Mentally, Physically, but i could take that.. what i couldn't take was when he started sexually abusing me. But he loved me right? No, wrong! but at the time i thought he did...he told me he did... and even though he did horrible things to him. I didn't leave him. I was depressed, i was cutting myself, eraser burn, anorexia, bulimia.. all of which i still do and struggle with... he made me a person I didn't want to be. I'm suppose to just move on right? It's over now, stop looking in the past and look to the future? Is that what I'm suppose to do? Well guess what, I have tried..but i can't get over it... i don't trust anyone anymore...I can't go a day without thinking about it...I have flashbacks sometimes and will just completely black out..so what do I do... just move forward I guess. If you read all of this, thanks for listening. If you didn't I understand why. </3
If you read this and you have been abused, know I care and that you're not alone. But most of all, don't let it happen again. I don't care who you are or what you have done, you DO NOT deserve that!
*Scars remain!*
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Re: Not the "usual" relationship issue

ChelsieSmiles
I can say that you are brave for posting this & I admire that. What you go through makes you stronger as a person, and I know that you can get past this. Even if it seems impossible now, time will heal. I can't imagine suffering the pain you had gone through, but I can say that I have had my own share of pain and I'm still healing. It might not compare, but pain is pain and affects people in so many ways that it is very difficult to function. Stay strong and I believe in you <3
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Re: Not the "usual" relationship issue

blacktears
Thank you, and i agree pain is pain.. no matter ow big (like breaking bones) or small (a little slap) it still hurt and it still counts. thank you for your encouraging words.. i told a friend of mine about it and she just threw a pity party.. i hated it.. i don't want anyone to feel bad for me, so i appreciate what you said. and i don't know what you have been through, but I'm here if you need to talk. And I have believe in you too!<3
*Scars remain!*
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Re: Not the "usual" relationship issue

ChelsieSmiles
Your very welcome!! Glad that what I said made a difference. I understand you don't want sympathy and what your friend did was just a natural reaction, she truelly cares about you which is a good thing. I'll always be here to talk to you as well my friend! (: Best wishes <3
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Re: Not the "usual" relationship issue

blacktears
thanks, and i know she cares i just wasn't happy about it at the time. Best wishes to you too buddyy:D <3
*Scars remain!*